My budgeting system lasts about as long as a gym membership in February, so you're doing better than me. What got me was the little stuff, the $4 snacks and gas station runs that add up to $200 a month without me noticing. The notebook sounds annoying but it clearly kept you honest, and the envelope thing might work if you can actually stick with cash. Your wife might be right that you know what you spend, but knowing and seeing it on paper are two different things in my experience.

90 minutes and dinner is not even close? That sounds off. Most beans soak in like 6 to 8 hours, or you go with the quick soak where you boil them 2 minutes and let them sit an hour. If you are really 90 minutes in and still soaking, you might be doing the cold water method, which is just slow by design. Here is the fast trick though, skip the soak next time. Rinse them, throw them in the pot with water, bring to a boil, then simmer. They take maybe an hour to 90 minutes that way and you do not lose a whole afternoon. The soak mainly helps with gas and cooking time, but it is not required.