Been there (not the exact same mess, but close enough). What worked for me was doing both, honestly. I took the recruiter call and let it play out quietly, but I also went to my manager and said I'd take on the extra work for a trial period if we talked about title and pay at the end of it (put a date on it, like 30 days). That way you're not demanding anything before you've proven it, but you're also not getting used for free while they "figure it out." If they balk at even a trial with a real conversation at the end, that tells you what you need to know and Denver starts looking a lot better. Two weeks of chaos won't prove much, but the offer in your back pocket changes how that conversation goes.

That "mining your oldest ten customers" thing hits different when you flip it around, like what if the guy referring you is doing it because YOU were that loyal client to someone else once? I got two regulars who send me folks and I've never asked them once, we just stayed in touch after jobs. Makes me wonder if the whole mixer scene is just people hunting for what they should be building slowly instead.