Got some tough feedback on my volunteer grant writing last month

I was helping a small animal shelter in Tacoma with a funding application, and the person who runs it told me my first draft was 'too corporate and cold.' She said it didn't sound like our shelter at all. I mean, I was just trying to make it sound professional, you know? So I went back and put in a specific story about a dog named Bruno we helped, with real numbers from his vet bills. It felt way better. Has anyone else had to totally change their writing style for a community group?

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mark_cooper5mo ago

That Bruno story is a good fix. I'm trying to picture the first draft though. Were you using a lot of words like "stakeholders" and "synergy" or was it more about the sentence structure feeling stiff?

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charliehill4mo ago

Hold on, don't you think those words actually make things clearer for everyone? A little "stakeholder" talk can make a confusing plan a lot less vague.

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smith.ray5mo ago

Tbh that "too corporate and cold" feedback hits hard. What kind of stuff were you writing before that felt off?

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