Got a water level for that? Works even better.

Is the mustard for the beer? Because that sounds like a cry for help. My fridge is just a sad museum of half empty sauce bottles at this point. I keep buying them thinking they'll inspire me to cook real food, but they just sit there judging me. At some point condiments stop being toppings and become the main event. I'm pretty sure my next meal will just be a spoonful of spicy mayo and a sense of regret.

Your boss’s feel-o-meter needs calibration.

That thick beard probably needed it more anyway lol.

Right? The old commute thing is so real (my old one had this awful left turn that added like 15 minutes every single day).