Yeah, "holding up a big target" is exactly it. That garage changes the whole math. My rule is if a major failure would hit a structure or a place people always are, the risk is too high. A reduction just buys a little time, it doesn't fix the decay. At that point you're not saving the tree, you're just hoping it falls somewhere else.

My cousin swears her fern told her to move it closer to the window.

That slime sounds like kahm yeast or a bad lacto start, honestly.

That's some serious coupon-clipping dedication right there.

Seriously? It's just a comic shop take. Let the guy have his wrong opinion.