Okay the oven turning itself on thing is actually a known issue with some smart home setups. If your phone or tablet has the oven's app, it can sometimes send a signal by mistake if the screen wakes up in your pocket. Happened to my neighbor, his oven preheated at 3 AM because his phone butt-dialed the app. Might be worth checking if you have any smart controls set up that could get triggered accidentally.

Man, that clock thing would have freaked me right out. I had a day last month where I kept hearing the same exact noise from a pipe in the wall, like a loud clunk, every ten minutes for hours. Drove me up the wall trying to figure it out. It makes you feel like you're losing it for a bit.

Ever try to nail jello to a wall? That's what debating those guys feels like. Where do you even start when the facts are made of rubber?